You and I

Smile


My life was never the best of the best nor was it any where near horrible either. I lost my father at the age of five, and have a strong bond with my mother. My siblings and I are getting there on getting closer but it just doesn't seem to happen.
Well I'm going to take this back to nine months ago so no one get's bored. Those of you who have read my Deviant Entry called "Sweet Love." know who I am going to be talking about.

Yes I write about her a lot, but it's because she is mine. I'm also writing this on how I first noticed her back in high school in 2006/2007.

So let me begin.


I wasn't the typical lesbian I never shouted out that I was only because I felt slightly alone. I didn't want to cause issues and some how have my mother find out about it. At the time Lord knows what she would of done. I remember walking through my old high school going to lunch, that's when I first layed eyes on her. She was interesting to say the least, I didn't know how to approach her or if I should. Because everyone else at the school didn't really like me so I figured she wouldn't either. I kept my distance and watched her for a bit, I was captivated by every move she made. Thankfuly she never caught my eyes looking at her. I wouldn't of known what to say then, more or less I would of run off if she had confronted me.
A few months down the road a friend of her's and a classmate of mine passed away. He wasn't really my friend but he did talk to me from time to time so I felt obligated to go to his viewing. He past away of heart failure. God knows I felt horrible for all of his friends wishing I could've reached out to each one of them but knew I would only be shot down for being the "quiet" girl that didn't really know much about the kid.
I heard a faint whispering of jokes behind me, I glanced back and saw that girl again.  I couldn't help but smile when she did. She brightened my day just for being there. No we hadn't talked yet and probably weren't going to.

The next year I was going to be transferred to another school, which was horrible because I had already gotten use to the neglect and heart break from being at the one high school. Most of all I would never see her again.
I should of said something but never found the words, I swore I caught her stare maybe once or twice but never thought anything of it.  So when the last day at the one high school came, I prepared myself meantly for the next high school.

Once there, I felt like I had been swallowed in the pit of the norms and preppy bitches. I couldn't stand it I sat alone at lunch that day and went home crying. It was worse than my old school. Way worse. I told mom that I needed to either be switched back to my old school, home schooled or have a schedule change. So the next day Mom took action and got my schedule changed. A met a couple kids in my art class that weren't so normal or preppy. They were really nice and seemed to have good spirits.
(I won't be naming them because I don't feel the need to.) So I eventually ended up in a pretty large group of friends.
The thoughts of the one girl faded, I fell head over heals, got hurt, I fell again and got trampled. It never failed I couldn't keep a relationship for the life of me.


A year or so passed and I got out of that school after having a jaw operation. I then started hanging with a girl named Chelsey. She seemed alright I wasn't sure on how to take her. Kind of annoying at first, and a bit to hyper for my liking. But we became friends anyways. She had been there through the couple of years and had helped me through the bad breakups and so on.  She also had a crush on me so it kind of scared me to try again. I did anyways. We dated for almost seven months before breaking up due to some guy. (his name isn't important either) Things were said feelings were hurt and we went our separate ways. I had put myself in recovery for a few months trying to stay away from any real relationships as I could.
I didn't trust people and I didn't trust myself. After being left by a whole group, having a girl that chased after me only to break my heart in the long run.

This was my time for me, to heal and to forget the horrible things that had happened. After my twenty first birthday I got really sick and almost ended up in the ER. I posted it as my face book status but figured no one would get back to me not like it mattered. Then my Ex called. She asked if I was okay. I told her yeah and she asked if I had wanted to hang out later that week. So I replied with a yes.

So that weekend we hung out and watched Alice In Wonderland. We were catching up on stuff when another old face walked into the living room. It was Tiffany, she smiled and said Hi and then hugged me. I was confused as to why she was doing so. Yeah she had kept a check on me from time to time to make sure I was alright.
Then she brought this girl named Amanda up, I could recall Chelsey talking about the girl. But I had no real interest. Did they not know I was done with relationships for good?

Anyways that night I hung out with Tiffany and she kept talking about this girl, and I asked her when I would be able to meet said girl.  That's when Tiff called her up and asked her if we could come over.
I was up for it because of Tiff having me so interested.  On the way there we talked about Aimless things that had happened over the months and had a few jokes.  When we got to the girl's house I was some what concerned. She didn't live in the best of places not to me. There was a bare court, and then a drive way leading through some trees and shrubs and finally a garage. I didn't know if if was safe for me to enter the Garage but Tiff lead the way so I walked in behind her. I saw the girl and swallowed hard. Was it really her? After all this time? After I swore that I would never be in Hickory again? She couldn't of been. I then saw her goofy grin and she said "I recognize you."
I nodded and just said "Hi.. I think I recognize you too..."

That night there was a ton of conversation between Tiffany, The one girl and another girl named Roach. I recognized Roach from afar.
Later that night I told Tiffany I had to get going and she nodded and got up then that one girl now I knew as Amanda got up and asked for a hug so I hugged her and it scared me cause of all the electricity that was shared between us.

I then left quickly afterwords, Amanda told me not to be a stranger but I didn't know how to feel. Yes I was attracted to her, I had always been. But I wasn't going to go on mere attraction. I told Tiff that I thought she was cute and kind of cool. So leaving it to Tiff she texted her what I said. Amanda told Tiff to give me her number so I could call her that night.
'hell no im not...' I thought. As I got the number and Tiffany wanted me to call her but I refused to. After Tiffany left for the night I got on face book and looked up the girl's name. I found her and added her. I didn't think I was going to get her to accept me or anything. When the next morning rolled around I saw that she had. It took me swallowing my pride just to IM her. With a simple "hello." she responded. Our conversation went on for hours, we talked  about our past relationships and what we want in another person and how we consider ourselves to be.

She had almost matched my every word, almost like a mirror. Our lives were reflecting off of each other this whole time. How could I not have said anything before? What was I doing just sitting in my own corner of the world back then? She was everything beyond perfect in my eyes but I tried not to get my hopes up because I swore she was in a relationship.

She then asked if she could stop by for a bit to get to know me better. I said sure and told my mom a white lie saying that I had met her over at Risa's house and I wanted her to come over for a bit. Mom was fine with it. Once she got to my house the tension became worse but I played it off cool. In my room we just layed back on the bed and talked about anything and everything under the moon. She  then got a text message from Tiffany, saying that she needed to poke me for her.
Now I wasn't expecting her to do so but she did and I squeaked. She giggled with amusement and went to poke me again. I then began to fight back, we wrestled around on my bed for a good five to ten minutes before she pinned me down. There was a loss for words between us, the air seemed thicker and the the tension was about to explode . She then leaned down towards me and kissed me gently. I didn't let her go at that point I kissed her back and there started something neither of us would regret ever. The only regret is the fact we hadn't met sooner.


To be continued.